Really late & I should be in bed but...

I missed blogging about Brok's 3rd Birthday... I am such a bad mom...

March 23rd Brok turned 3. Wow where did the time go. I remember the events leading up to him being born & how valuable the next 6wks were...

Some things about Brok:
~Wears a 4T/5T & size 7/8 shoe
~37.5lbs & 40" tall
~Started preschool on his birthday
~is getting better at using pictures to show me what he wants
~can kind of follow directions- Brok come here, Brok no, Brok get your cup

I can't believe my little baby is 3! My dear friend Mary took some awesome pictures of him on his birthday. He wasn't in the best mood until I brought the food! She captured his personality so well!

Since starting School, Brok has been able to sit for 15min at circle time, likes all things green (he was able to pick out a bunch of toys that he can mouth or smell & play with & they are all green!) & LOVES to go to school! His teacher said he is so cute & so loving & that he is well behaved! We have noticed that he is a different child in the last week. He will hold your hand & walk with you, he doesn't throw as many fits & is really Chill...

anyway, more posts to come but I needed to post these!

2 posts in 1 week? WHAT

I was too excited not to share! I am published! My first ad in a magazine! EEK!

UTAH BABY GUIDE page 25

so little time & so much to do!

It's march, where did february go?

~Brok started speech again with an awesome therapist
~Kevin started night flying- UGH
~Lukas learned how to say Go, shoe, ball & learned how to catch
~Ashley spent all her time running around like a crazy lady...

March is always a hard/happy month for me... 10 years ago march 8th, 2000 my dear sweet grandma took her last breath & left to be with our heavenly father, my little sister was not even 2wks old. Spring Break is always in March, which would be fun if I was in school... bittersweet. March was the last month where Kevin & I were simply a couple & not a family. March was the month where I became a mother. March was the month where I found out I would be a mom again... & march marks that time of year where the temps start going up...

This March is already in full swing. It has rained every weekend (only 2 so far), Brok has gotten his second ear infection. We met with the school district to determine Brok's qualifications for preschool. We found out that in 2 short weeks my baby will start preschool. I will no longer have simply 2 toddlers, but a preschooler & a toddler. We have planted a garden (well that was in feb but still) & we have bought a new computer & not had to put it on a credit card. What a month we have in store.

I can't believe that the time has come to send my boy off to school. I won't lie, I am terrified. What if he is as horrible for them as he is for us? He is going to have his own "aide" but I still wonder. What if he just cries the whole time? what if he doesn't want to do anything they are doing or doesn't want to eat what they are eating? and my worst fear? what if he breaks something or himself? This is so exciting & will hopefully get us on the right track to getting him ready for normal life, and possibly to communicate with us but I am terrified!

anyway, that's my thoughts for now... more to update as the month goes on!

what have we been up to?

Just about everything! I will post pictures later so sorry this will be boring!

Nov:
~Kevin & I celebrated 4 years of marriage. We didn't get to go out, but we were able to enjoy some alone time after the kidlets went to bed & he surprised me with taking the night off to spend with me.
~We enjoyed a quiet Thanksgiving at home just the 4 of us. It was fun and we enjoyed the family time.
~Lukas officially started walking- he's been walking for a while but during november, he officially decided he could walk like Bubba.
~We all had the flu, the swine flu & your common cold for several days. It was horrible!

December:
~We decided to spend Christmas at home, instead of visiting family. It was a lot of fun & we made some good memories as a family! The boys loved all their presents & we loved having a stress free (or relatively) holiday!
~We also made a decision to move into a cheaper rental home. We weren't really in the market to move, but couldn't pass up this deal! (more details to follow)
~We were able to go to the Insight Bowl on New Year's Eve. The boys loved going and watching all the people, especially the band!
~We marked 2 years since we were told that Brok was autistic the first time @ 9months old. What a great 2 yrs is has been.
~Kevin went back to working day shift. This was a major adjustment!

So far this year:
~We were able to march in the Fiesta Bowl parade! Kevin volunteered to march & be a part of it & spouses/family were invited to join in with. We had a blast walking & being a part of something so cool!
~Brok went to stay with Granny & Grandpa (Ashley's parents) for 9 days (he comes back tomorrow & we are so excited!)
~We MOVED~!!! This house is awesome! It's only half mile from our old house, but is out of the HOA, cheaper rent & the most awesome backyard! It is 5bd 3 bath 2100 sq ft. Yes, we just can't stay in one place that long, although we were in our last house for a year & a half. It has in the backyard, a basketball court, a swingset/jungle gym, 2 sheds, a garden, grass & a place for an above ground pool. This house is such a great layout as well & we are happy that the move is over!

That is what we have been up to these past few months! once we get everthing hooked up right, I will post pictures!

~~ As a little extra note- my mom sent this to me & I loved it so I wanted to post it here for all you to read!

***How an Autistic Child Thinks:
Nobody can see my disability. I look just like every other kid-attractive, walking, making sound's. They can't see how my neurons are scrambled in my brain. They can't see the misconnections between the left and right brain. Nobody can see I have autism.
Nobody can see that my body is sick. No one can see that my stomach is in knots from my digestive system not working. No one can that my body and mind are starving because my cells don't make the right enzymes to digest food. No one see that I suffer from low blood sugar because I can't properly metabolize nourishment.
No one can see that my body is attacking its own nerve cells from auto-immune dysfunction. No one can see that mercury lead and arsenic cannot be excreted from my body, so it keeps building up in my brain. No one understands that my body cannot tolerate normal enjoyments for children, like bright, vivid colors and loud noises. I desperately want to be a kid and enjoy these things, but my body just won't let me.
But everyone can see how inappropriate my behavior can be when I am out in public. Everyone can see how immature I can be compared to other kids my age. Everyone sees the 2-year old tantrums when things have been too overwhelming for me. Everyone sees my frustration from trying to cope.
Everyone sees my screaming and fighting. Everyone just assumes I'm being bad, not that my body hurts, my eyes are in pain from colors, my ears ring with loud noises not heard by others.
Everyone sees my tantrums when I don't get my way. No one sees that I can't explain my fear when I think I'm not being understood. Everyone may see my screams when my mom takes something away from me. No one can see that having something of comfort can keep my fears under control for me, and taking it away makes my nerves explodes in anxiety.
No one understands how hard I have to work to keep my behaviors from reacting to the chemical imbalances in my body that makes me feel horrible. No one can see that, no matter how hard I try, sometimes I cannot control it. No one can see the shame I feel after I've had a meltdown from my body's problems.
What they don't see I am a person. I have feelings and want to be loved and accepted like everyone else. What they don't see is that, when they look at me like I need a good spanking; I understand that I'm not capable of controlling my body.
What they don't see is that I scream because I don't know how to say "HELP ME"
What they don't see is that I hear every ugly word they say, but for the life of me, I can't make my mouth say what I'm feeling. But they don't see that as a disability. They say I am unmanageable. They say I am a problem.
But I am not a problem. I HAVE AUTISM. My mom has taken me to more doctors and specialist than you can ever imagine. She's read more books and done more research on my disease than parents would ever want. She has tried special diet, supplements, drugs and various metabolic therapies. She has PRAYED for GUIDANCE and asked for discernment on how to help my body. And behaviors, OH YES, has she tried everything to help my behavior.
Stop telling her all I need is a spanking. If spanking would stop all this, my mom would gladly exchange my disability for a spanking. She knows better than all of you what I need to help me, and what we both need is your understanding, not ignorance.
I just want to be accepted and understood. No blamed and ashamed, I want to be appreciated for my gifts. I do have some if you look more closely. I want to be cared for as a person. I want you to care, even when I act like I don't.
I want to be respected, just like you do. I want you to respect my mom and dad for all the hard work they have done to help me try to lead a normal a life as possible. I want you to respect my family and all the struggles we have to endure because of our love for each other.
I want to be LOVED like any other child. And need you to role model respectful behavior for me so I can be respectful too. I want you to love me just like God would.

Hello my name is Ashley & My child is autistic

Which comes as no surprise to anyone but now that we have a diagnosis, we can get so many more services! among those services is
~music therapy
~EFMP aka Exceptional Family Member Program aka an excuse to become last on the list for deployment.
~ABA therapy aka applied behavioral analysis therapy aka hard work
~long term care

Does it change our day to day life? nope... He's still the same Brok he was before we knew. I will still deal with him the same way as I always did. Does that make me super mom? HArdly. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out because he is driving me bonkers. Am I the most patient person with him? uh no- you should hear us. But I will forever love him & wonder why I was chosen to have this challenge in my life. Heavenly father must think very highly of me to have given me such a special little boy to love & care for. Life may not always be easy but we can do it together.

I always wonder what he will be like in 2-3 years. Will he ever talk? will he stop the screaming? will he ever potty train? I can hope right? I mean we never thought he would walk either right? & now he is running! It just took him an extra year & a half to figure it out.

& then I think of what he will be like as a teenager. Will I have to remind him to shave? Will I have to remind him to do his homework? Ok that sounds like a normal teenage boy. but really, what will he be like?

will his brother & everyone else love him the way we do? Will he have friends? Will he do well in school? Will he get to enjoy the normal things every teenage boy does? crushes on girls? dances, sports? Will he ever win a trophy or participate on a team? Will he look forward to going on a mission? Will he be able to go?

& most importantly, is there someone out there who when the timing is right will love him & be patient enough with him that they can fall in love & get married? I know he's only 2.5 but these are things a mom wonders about ya know?

Brok you are such a special child in our home. You make our lives interesting to say the least! Would life have been different & harder if you had come into our lives second instead of first? Because we will continue to do what we have always done because we haen't known any different!

I love you son! Even though sometimes you drive us nuts, we will always love you! Thanks for having the faith in us to be your parents!

Love mom

Lukas Is 1!

Ok I am a few days late but we were gone! Plus I now have stats!

I can't believe this year is already gone! Where did the time go my little? You are the cutest little kid ever (besides bubba you are tied with him)! I am completely in love with you all the time! You can make us laugh & smile at the smallest things!!!

Stats:
~29.5 in 33%
~18lbs 14oz 4%
~don't remember exact # but head is 73%

The nurses at the doctor said they are going to call you lollipop!

Things you can do:
~crawl like a pro
~go up the stairs all by yourself (& give mom a heart attack everytime)
~cruise along furniture
~stand up alone with no help for a long time
~clap when someone says Yay or Good Job
~put your hands on your head when someone says Oh No!
~say mama dada bubba nana nini (granny)
~copy when we try to say something
~drink from a regular cup (almost without spilling)
~drink from a sippy cup with a straw
~push a walking toy without falling
~ride your little trike thing backwards
~make "vroom" noises

Things you like:
~your binky- can't go anywhere without it & it's oh so cute!
~your green blanket- you know which is yours & which isn't!
~to jump like crazy!
~4-wheeling! You loved it on your birthday!
~food! Any & all food- & lots of it! I am always amazed at how much you can eat
~your mommy- when you want to eat or just need a snuggle
~your daddy- any other time
~bubba (aka Brok) I love how you guys play together!
~puppies! you love your dogs & love to bother them!
~life-

Little you are the happiest baby I have ever met- I loved you the minute I saw you & I can't believe how big you are already?! You are my little & you make me so happy! I hope that you had a great birthday & I can't wait to see what this year holds!

Age 1 month
Age 1 yr

Busy Busy Busy

That about sums up our life! I feel as though I am constantly on the go... Life certainly doesn't slow down for sure...

~Lukas is practicing his balance- he is so scrawny on the bottom half that he can't support his top half! But he's getting better at letting go to stand alone! Cruises on everything & HAS to be on top of me all the time no matter what I am doing!
~Brok went down to once a month PT! This is awesome considering that he has had once a week for the past year! He is doing so well & has learned to use is voice- no words but he "yodels" & it cracks me up! He has also outgrown naps- he goes to bed around 545 & sleeps til about 7. It's awesome! He's pretty content to entertain himself during the day so I guess I am lucky that way!
~Night flying this week=BOOO! I hate night flying- he works @ 8pm all week- I guess the only good thing is we will miss the next 2 wks & when we get back, it will be over...
~VACATION!!! We will be in St George on Saturday! WHOOT! I am sooo excited! If anyone wants to hang out, you have my # or can find my email!
~I can't believe that my baby is going to be 1! Where has this year gone? I swear he was just a newborn... He is growing so fast & is a crack up! He says: mama (his favorite word), dada, bubba (brok), pup, buh-bye (& he waves too!) & he has this cutest little thing he does when he wants more- he pulls his fingers in like he's saying Gimme- cracks me up! ♥ this little dude!
~I got a new car! Oh yes- we sold our Santa Fe for way more than we could have gotten from a trade & bought us a 2005 Dodge Durango. I am in ♥! It is awesome! I can definately say it is my perfect car! The only thing missing is a DVD system but that can be purchased later! It has leather, 3rd row, rear A/C (a must here), tint, 6 cd- premium sound... Awe... love...
~our 4 year anniversary is right around the corner- Does anyone else ever feel like time flies? I am getting old!
~Temps are FINALLY going down- today was like the first day in who knows how long that it was under 100 (ok it was 99 but still). I can't wait for fall...

& I think that is pretty much it from us this week! Enjoy Lukas's modeling skills! He got to model these super cute knitted longies for our online store! YUM! he is such a ham!